Things that men CAN’T text me!

On a regular day, in my non-regular life, I find myself exchanging text messages with a man that supposedly has feelings for me.  One text message in particular comes across the screen of my phone and everything comes to a screeching halt! He texted, ” I WANT YOU!”.  This led to a severe cross examination of self and a drowning in self judgement, with questions like : “What the hell are you doing?and judgment calls like:  You are a grown ass woman and you are in the midst of a text frenzy not indicative of your maturity level!”.  So I decided to let the fellows out there know what you CAN’T text me because 1. I deem it as inappropriate, 2. I will question your masculinity (Yes, I do that) and 3. I simply will not allow it.  Notice, I stated what you can’t text ME, I understand that all women have their own level of tolerance, but as for me, this is my phone we’re talking about and I determine what and what doesn’t tap dances across my touch screen.

Here we go….

On  Aida’s phone, text messaging is for GENERAL and BRIEF information such as:  “Here’s the address” or  “His number is *******”, or “No, I don’t want Starbucks”.  Get the picture?  Text messaging is not for confessionals, intimate conversation nor dissertations, this is what human contact is for.    So if you want to get me to open up figuratively or literally I suggest you step your communication game up or GAME OVER.

On Aida’s phone, general/stock text messages that you send to all the chicks you met last night are discarded and get your number blocked.  Think that most of us with at least a minimal IQ don’t know what those messages look like.  Really?  “What’s up girl, you in for the night?”….”What’s up with you lady?”…”Hey Baby Girl, was thinking about you and wanted to say HI”.  Sound familiar?  Please STOP!  You seem corny and ambitious and probably are NOT a winner.

On Aida’s phone, men are not allowed to send excessive smiley faces, that is cheesy and downright dismissive.  Don’t have time to respond now, cool, respond later like a grown up MAN!

On Aida’s phone, men are not allowed to use the following terms excessively, they make you questionable fellas.

LMAO-  Unless you are in the group, I don’t think so.  You shouldn’t be doing ANYTHING with your ass that doesn’t entail human function.

TTYL- Honestly, your Triceps should not allow you to be able to type this.

ROTFLMAO- Wow, anytime I think of a man rolling on the floor and he is not in the Middle East in the midst of combat, I begin to think perverted things.

Now, remember don’t get angry, these are JUST the rules for MY phone.  I am sure that someone else would appreciate your paragraph with excessive smiley faces while you roll on the floor and laugh your ass off.   Just don’t do it with me or you will join my call list that I affectionately refer to as “Do Not Answer”.  In my book these things are the equivalent of a man whispering in another man’s ear.

Doesn't look good, does it?
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2 thoughts on “Things that men CAN’T text me!

  1. As always mama, hilarious and right on point!

    I especially like when you said: “Text messaging is not for confessionals, intimate conversation nor dissertations, this is what human contact is for. So if you want to get me to open up figuratively or literally I suggest you step your communication game up or GAME OVER.”

    God, its like a disease in these streets…running wild!

    What’s funnier is I just wrote something started by a recent text that I received. Check it out if you like: http://willsingforfood.wordpress.com/2011/05/27/what-about-you/

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