Midgets Make Me Feel Big!

Yes I said midget…I know it’s a politically incorrect term but what else are you supposed to call them.  OK, let’s try Baby Person (Thanks Angelo Bowers).
I have recently come under attack for my statements regarding being superficial because I don’t date men shorter than me and I don’t like Baby Persons. Just for the record, most women don’t like to date men shorter than them regardless of their height. I grew up in a house with my Dad and he was taller than me which was part of the reason why I respected him. When he disciplined me, he didn’t have to stand on a chair to do it. I never pushed him out of the way and knocked him down and said “I’m going to the party anyway Dad and that’s the bottom line!” No he stood tall and valiant and ran his household, mind you, taller than EVERYONE in the house.

It is very challenging to date a Baby Person, the question of riding in a car. You have to weigh more than 87 lbs to be out of a car seat. You know how expensive a car seat is now? We are in a recession, you say Costco, I say no…I can’t even afford a membership. Then there is entertainment…You can’t ride the rides at Magic Mountain, you are not tall enough. I will not be responsible if you slip through the bars on the Xtreme, I don’t want to have to draw up paperwork just to take you places, Baby Person. Besides, if you can’t ride the theme park ride, how are you going to ride this ride. I do not consider me giving you a Piggy Back ride being freaky.

A Cool Thugged Out Pimp Baby Person

Finally, I am 5’11, on average I am of a taller persuasion, hence having bigger hands and feet than the average woman. Now I have to have bigger extremities than the person I am dating too? No Baby Person, I can’t go for that. I already have a difficult time buying shoes and have to go to special places to find my Jimmy’s and Gucci’s because I have big feet. So now you want me to let your hand slip and get lost in my hand when we are walking down the street…NO! I only want people laughing at me when I am on stage. Sorry Frodo, can’t do it. So listen Baby Person, the purpose of this note has just been to enlighten you on why I politely move you out of the way when you approach me, I am not taking a shot at you. There are plenty of young ladies that you can find that will suit you just fine…they are at the Circus, Strip Clubs and they even have a reality show about an entire world of Baby Persons. I challenge you to find that little bow-legged chick that ran track and jumped hurdles in middle school, that grew up but never GREW up (wink, wink). Then you can be in charge, confident and tall (yes tall, it’s all relative). I am an optimist, and I believe in finding solutions. Unlike most tall people my suggestion is never for you to jump off the curb and kill yourself, but find a Baby Person that fits you!

A Group of Ethnically Ambiguous Baby Persons
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